物取りなので、物を盗ったら帰ります。通報したら刺します。

、。。

I'm a burglar, so once I take your stuff, I leave. If you call the police, I'll stab you.

Literal

Thief [so-なので], things [object-を] took-[if-たら] leave. Report-did-[if-たら] stab.

物取り ('thief, burglar') is direct criminal vocabulary. Two parallel ~たら conditionals lay out the rules: 'if I take things, I leave; if you report, I stab.' The cold, transactional logic and absence of hedging make this chilling. 刺します is polite form (します) — the contrast between polite speech and violent content creates an unsettling effect.