humor

Harry really is a fluorescent light.

"I've got the kind of body that doesn't gain weight no matter how much I eat, so I'm fine." "You just turned every person on the planet against you in this very moment."

"The old lady at the shop is super unfriendly, y'know—" "Taiki, I can hear you." "Eeek..."

"Hey. It's dangerous to run." "Eh?... wah, wah, waaah~~~!" "Oh dear, what did I tell you."

Let's have a contest. Whoever hurls the worse verbal abuse wins.

"Ah… I haven't been feeling well…" "Oh. Are you okay?" "Hehe. Actually, I'm just playing hooky."

"It's dangerous, let me pick it up." "I'm fine… ow!" "See, what did I tell you."

Not that I'm bragging, but I've never gotten higher than a 3 in Home Economics on my report card. On a ten-point scale.

It's not as if uniformed emissaries from outer space are wandering around looking for a mate, after all.

Tanaka! You're living with a man! Show some modesty and stop going around without underwear!

Morning wood and pissing — that's the extent of my remaining life force.

I understand you're at the peak of puberty and all worked up wanting to do 'that' to 'that thing,' but... well, have a seat here.

When I put 100 yen in the vending machine and pushed the button to buy a coffee, four whole cans came tumbling out all at once!

Apparently I don't have the qualities to become the ruler of a harem.

My wife loves fish hors d'oeuvres, you see, so when I go fishing it's pretty easy to get her blessing.

Big brother, is this fish really tasty? It looks like a black sea bream that fell into a life of crime and ended up on the most-wanted list!

Gah! Aki-chan's Chinese dress was so cute. I almost lost control of myself — the restraints on my reason nearly came off.

'What's the difference between licentiousness and perversion?' 'The licentious use a feather; the perverted use the whole chicken.'

'Nah, not really. At most we compare sizes and tell dirty jokes.' 'Compare sizes of what?' 'You know... that.'

'Look, thanks to you I keep getting dumped.' 'Really? Isn't it because of your everyday behavior?'

'Well, he looks like a weird guy, but... his insides are even weirder.' 'That's not helpful follow-up.'

'I'm not sleeping. I'm just always slacking off.' 'That's worse!'

'It's only by getting past that, that a boy first becomes a man... and blah blah blah.' 'If you're gonna say something that sounds vaguely profound, finish the sentence properly!'

'More importantly, that outfit — is that a swimsuit?!' 'Yup. Doesn't it look cool? Feeling turned on~?'

'Are you implicitly telling me to eat more sugar and work harder...?' 'Huh?' 'No, I'm just feeling a bit jaded. Sorry.'

'What did that guy say?' 'Russian didn't get through to him at all, so I cursed him out in Russian.'

'Yeah, at least I want them to put more in on the second floor... wait, why are you here?!' 'Why? Isn't it obvious? So we can go to the bathroom together.'

'I see. I'm the older one after all. I'm twenty-whatever this year.' 'Wait, that doesn't tell me anything.'

'It's weird. The plan was supposed to be that by now everyone would've spotted a UFO and we'd all be researching it together.' 'Even spotting one in the first place seems impossible.'

'My beloved wife is so stingy, I tell you—' 'Are you bragging? Or complaining?'